Missing Person Report

Name: Rebecca Dunwoody
Last seen: Late August 2009
Age at Time of Disappearance: 17 years old
Gender: Female
Birthday: November
Height: 5'6'
Hair: Short and Curly
Eyes: Blue and Grey
Race: Caucasian
Last seen Wearing: A stress-filled worried expression.


I feel like I've been missing since the beginning of 6th year. I feel like I've disappeared, I haven't been myself. I'm ready to come back again and to live once more.
I'm tired of just surviving, which is what I've been doing! I want to live!
I want to be me. I don't want to feel guilty every time I'm not sat down at a desk. I want to feel free. I'm counting down the days until June 23rd when I can finally be re-united with the missing person that I haven't seen since last summer.
I'm at the stage now that I don't care what I get out of this exam. I just want it to be over. I can decide what to do afterwards. I just want to be me again. I've missed me.

The saying.....

"Life's a Bitch and then you die".....suddenly comes to mind right now.

The Five Stages of Pre-Exam Breakdowns

1. Denial

Don't worry its fine - its all good, i can deal with it, it wont be to hard, no worries.

2. Anger

Are you fucking kidding me!! this is shit - i don't know any of this how do they expect us to remember this?? "hey mate, calm down" - don't you fucking tell me to calm down - you can fuck off.

3. Bargaining

Shit i wish i didn't have to do this - its all over, I'm going to fail. I would do anything to not have to do this, just one more day to study, anything to get out of this .

4. Depression

It's fucked, I'm fucked, its all over - Leaving Cert over, I'm never going to pass, just give up now and drop out.

5. Acceptance

Yes i finally acknowledge i am fucked - but nonetheless i will do this exam anyway and hopefully get through it somehow.




At the beginning of the week I was undoubtedly in Stage 2.....Although I appear to have somehow jumped forward into Stage 5 today...... I hope it stays this way :)

The Big LC.....

Sometimes I think to myself what is the point in school any more? Why bother? Sure I know it all already. I'm so very naive and young when these thoughts breach my wisdom and come to surface in my mind.

I've learned a lot over the past week > a cliche, I'm well aware but so very true none the less. These mock exams have really awakened me to the reality that is the Leaving Cert. They've shown me how much I actually don't know. They've managed to serve their purpose in scaring the bajaysus out of me - and they're not even over yet!

I was under the impression that the big LC would be an absolute doddle, that I could pass it no problem.....I'm beginning to doubt that now. I've seen the light as they say. This is going to be a difficult few months ahead until June. I'm going to have to work my ass off to get the points I need for the Event Management Course in DIT.

I really want to do this course and I can't imagine doing anything else. The guidance councillor asked me recently about my other options on the CAO after Event Management. I looked at him with a look that said, What other options? I have to get this course.

My stress levels I think hit the maximum the other day when my very supporting and loving mother decided to inform me that the points are sure to sky-rocket this year because of the current economic downturn. The conditions in the economy at present are influencing thousands more mature students to apply via the CAO for places in Universities and colleges for this coming September. SO the good news is that I'm not only competing against the so many thousands of Leaving Cert students in the country, but now I get to compete with a load of old people too. Just fecking fantastic.

This worries me immensely especially because my course only has an availability of forty places. Forty! If I'm now up against increased competition to compete for a course that is said to be extremely competitive already then the points are surely going to shoot up. I can't imagine not getting this. It hurts to think about it.

I envy people who already applied for a PLC course and are already aware of their confirmed places in college - Yes, that is you Jade. These said people are doing the leaving cert "for the laugh" while people like me are doing it for our "life".

I've only now realised how vital this exam is to my future career and to my future happiness.....

Surrounded

Wanting for so long.
Convincing yourself of it,
Telling yourself it's real
And wishing it would grow.

Seeing it all around you,
Surrounding those you know
A constant reminder to you
And never loosening grip.

Standing alone beside it,
Watching it as it moves
Further and further away
To take flight like a bird with wings.

Will he......?

1. Respect the law.


2. Cook


3. Write


4. Sing


5. Have no coloured tattoos prior to being married with children


6. Change nappies


7. Get up in the night


8. Be a guard - or any type of man in uniform...


9. Be someone who laughs at my jokes.


10. Have a bit of a belly


11. Be healthy


12. Have big feet


13. Be intelligenter


14. Wear brand name items of clothing


15. Be clean


16. *Be someone who doesn't own a phone.


17. Be someone who loves me for me: (*Sleepwalking and bad dreams)


18. Be respected by colleagues


19. Have arms legs and a heart


20. Be someone who doesn't do an arts degree in UCD


21. Be someone who dresses well


22. Be a non-smoker


23. *Be a non-drinker


24. Be a non-druggler


25. Not be clingy whatsoever


26. Have a nice family


27. *Likes dogs


28. Be 6ft tall


29. Be someone who looks good in a dark professional suit (Party)


30. Be someone who likes the same music


31. Live local


32. Watch skins etc


33. Watch family guy etc


34. Not take up the whole bed whilst sharing


35. Be someone who doesn't make noises while sleeping


36. Not hog the TV remote


37. Stay quiet whilst out clothes shopping and tell you you look amazing babes.


38. Have a pet name for you and you for him


39. Be someone who has never seen nor been with another woman - Virgintino


40. *Be someone who didn't go to Trinity or UCD


41. Be someone who gets cold in the winter and has to wear a scarf and gloves


42. Be someone who is not ashamed to wear a scarf and gloves


43. Be someone who will accept my choice of baby names without question


44. *Be someone who will understand why there will never be a photo of us ever.


45. Be a cool dad


46. Never cheat on me


47. *Not see past my lies


48. Want to travel the world.


49. *Not like Spain or the sun in general


50. *Be someone who doesn't order weird food from the curry shop


51. *Not drink tea and or coffee.


52. Be someone who likes my hair - no matter how many colours it is at the one time


53. Play the guitar or any instrument, bar his own.


54. Be good with kids


55. Be a good assembler


56. *Be religious - but not mad religious like.


57. Not be a hoarder


58. Respect my need to hoard


59. Respect my OCD


60. Like to snuggle


61. Have the rhythm


62. Please have no artificial limbs


63. Be someone who can give a good high-five


64. Be liked by my friends


65. Be someone who minds our child while I'm at work


66. Be capable of dressing our child nicely up to my standards when I'm not around.


67. Not ever Shhhh me


68. *Not eat sandwiches, beans, mashed potato, humous or any normal edible items.


69. Be someone who can mind our child without mine or my mother's supervision


70. Be someone who can look after the garden, the grass and the plants


71. Not have a girl best friend


72. Have a good eye for decorating


73. Always let me be right


74. Not take longer than me in the bathroom or to get ready


75. Only own limited amounts of clothing.


76. Be older than me *by 1 month to 3 years


77. Have a sexy attractive accent eg french.....*Dublin north


78. Be a good cuddler


79. Be a hand-holder *only if hands are evenly matched in size


80. Have Forest Gump as their favourite film


81. Not behave like a woman


82. Read


83. Have a nickname


84. Be able to hold a sarcastic conversation


85. Be witty


86. Be punctual


87. Wear a watch


88. *Have a secret not including: Secret love child, gay, other woman or an illness


89. Be immortal


90. Love to sleep as much as me


91. *Know how to have a good time without the influence of alcohol


92. Always aspire to be as amazing as Michael Buble


93. Have long hair


94. Blonde


95. Blue Eyes


96. Be either dublinese or American


97. *Have any of the following names: Orlando, Portland, London, Paris, Skye, Sydney


98. Let me, and me solely, organise our wedding day.


99. *Have small hands


100. Be my soul mate.

*These are all of the criteria which apply only to Jade and her requirements for a future suitor.

> This list was composed and written by Becca Woody and Jade Eiffe O'Toole in a rather advanced state of delirium mixed with hysteria.

Little Box

Holding onto memories
in a little throbbing box,
unable to let go
for a fear that it wasn't what it was.

Thinking, remembering, wishing,
What if?
If things had been different,
events not unfolding as they did.

Where would we be now?
In this place surely not,
Nowhere close to what's become
and what has so clearly not.

Deciphering through codes of passion
trying to distingush between
what's real and what's myth.
The truth is sometimes harder to take

Than what your mind sees to be real.
We search all our lives for answers,
answers to everything in life.
But why do we ask?

Why do we search for this reality
that is much harsher than what
we choose to believe.
For wouldn't life be much more enjoyable

if we chose to live in what is not?

Riverside! Mother*&%$£!.....:)

The below post that I wrote yesterday somehow seems awfully irrelevant as I am now the proud new owner of a shiny new desk.............It's the most amazing thing that I've ever seen in my life (totally over-exaggerated, but hey that's me) and I absolutely love it :)



I'm sitting at it right now. It has a quirky little extra pully out thing that I wasn't aware it had until post-assembly.

Well... speaking of assembly. . . . I almost died today. My father almost killed me. We were after assembling the chair that we bought to go with the desk...it worked out fairly simple. I thought I was going to be a pro-DIY-er . . . .Boy was I wrong.

We got to work on the desk. It had about fifty pieces in total (again....over exaggerated). All pretty much identical, not specified or labelled in anyway (

So then we carried on. When we were nearly starting to see that it was a desk, like it was taking its shape. We then realised that we had assembled all of the legs wrong (I was the one to point this out also). So we sat on the ground and looked hopelessly at the various bits of white wood all around the room and this half-finished masterpiece in the middle of it all.

So then my dad turns to me and says:

"My leg's at me, I'm just gonna go in and lie down for a few minutes. You go on down and I'll give you a shout when I'm up"

So that suited me pretty fine, I was kinda tired and could do with a break. So I dander on downstairs. Turn on the TV, grab a glass of OJ. And so I'm sitting there, listening out for him to call me and then I hear something fall from my room. The bastard hadn't went for a lie down. He lied to me. He just didn't want my help anymore. My heart broke a little inside. I wasn't that hopeless......possibly more of a liability than an asset, I'll admit but still, it hurt.

I waited a few minutes and then went up to help him again. We eventually got it finished. Probably because I made myself keep my mouth shut for the rest of it......

It was a learning experience alright. I learned that I have no future in DIY and realised that I have to study for my LC and do well or I will be fucked. It's the LC or nothing for me......

There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light....

It just occurred to me that it's been a while since I've taken the time to actually blog properly. I haven't written a proper blog in so long.

Over Christmas my life was consumed with making study plans, not starting them, re-doing my bedroom, not getting that finished, wanting to start revision and never getting round to it and trying to choose college courses to put on the CAO but not coming to solid decision.... Come to think of it my life is starting to feel very incomplete right now.

I just finished filling in my CAO form two seconds ago......Is it right to regard this moment as the first one of the rest of my life?

I'm currently sat cross-legged in the middle of my newly-decorated-but-not-yet-furnished-bedroom. I have Celine Dion on the highest it will go to drown out the silence of the empty room. The room feels very big and I feel inadequately small......that's actually how I feel in life at this very moment. With all of this CAO business and choosing a future and all that jazz. I really don't like it. I'm an indecisive person and I can't believe that this time has come around so quickly. I remember thinking of it last year and thinking that it was miles away, that it was never going to come around and that I had ages to make up my mind and then BAM! Hit me straight between the eyes and it's here.

In fairness I had a little bit more of a warning than others. I seen it coming before some. I then tried to get those some motivated to choose something too (*cough* Hannah *cough*). They resented my blunt wake-up call and seen it as trying to panic them rather than the helpful I was trying to offer them. I was only doing it because I love them, and I want them to have a future.

All of this talk of futures and stuff got me thinking of how old I actually am....I can't believe it. 18 years of age, it doesn't feel like that. In some ways I feel my age and sometimes even older, but in others I feel like I should be still having girly sleepovers with Hannah, feeling rebellious watching 15 cert films and worrying about getting caught reading Bliss magazine. Those were the good days. It's not that I necessarily miss being younger, I do and I don't, it's just that I can't believe that I'm 18 already. It's strange. Odd even. Like I'm now officially regarded as an adult in society! It's crazy! I can buy drink, go out and vote!

It's also really annoying to think that legally I'm an adult but I still have to go to school and be treated as a child by teachers. Although in fairness, my teachers aren't half bad. They actually tend to be grand, if you treat them with respect they return it kinda thing. We're supposed to get our Swine Flu jabs next week and for the first time in our academic lives we can sign for it for ourselves. I know it's sad but I get a little bit of a thrill out of stuff like that.

I'm feeling very guilty right now....I'm sat here writing this blog and not where I should be which is sitting down studying! I just had a surge of motivation to write a blog, listen to some music and chill.

I'm blaming my lack of study on my lack of adequate workspace. I NEED A DESK. It's true I really do. I can't work on my bed. If i try to do anything on my bed I get too comfortable and then distracted and then somehow end up on facebook. It disastrous. I'm making a deal with myself that as soon as I get a desk I WILL start working. I promise. You can be my witness to this promise. And if I don't stand by it, give out to me.

Although saying that, who's going to be affected at the end of this? Me that's who. It's my future that's on the line. If I want to get my number one choice, which I do, I really really do, then I have to put my head down and start working for what I want, because if I don't then I won't get it. And it'll be my own fault, and I know that but hey, guess what? I'll blame it all on my lack of a desk.

I am in love with this man.......

This man is the most amazing person I've ever heard or seen in my life......... I'm gutted that he's engaged......there's my life plan out the window.....On to plan B!

It was the first of many........

We've had some pretty damn good times......

She told me to do a blog already.......so here it is :)

Best friends only come around once........

Cherish Them.....

I love you dear :)