Coming To Terms.

Life can pass you by so quick.
Time goes too quickly one minute and then not quick enough the next.
Things can change in an instant.
Your whole world turned upside down, nothing the same ever again.
One minute someone's there and then the next, they're just not.

I think it's amazing how instantaneously a complete relationship can disappear, you just stop talking to that person, because you can't. One day you're chatting away, discussing life's worries and not worrying about anything. Then something happens and it all falls apart. No matter how much you wish it was different, how much you wish that person was different, it's and they're not!

All past memories become a touchy subject, the wound's still raw and the cut still fresh. Whenever it comes up in conversation it's like salt being rubbed in deeper and deeper. You feel yourself just wanting to get on with things, forget about what has happened but you can't. You can't forget because it's constantly on your mind, that person is always popping up in your mind, random objects trigger a memory and it all comes flooding back.

In the tiny breaks in your day when you've your mind on something different, someone will tell you something, or you'll see something that reminds you of something you did with that person and you get a sudden urge to go and tell them, gossip about it and have a good laugh. But then you remember, you can't. You feel a tear come to your eye, but you choke it back and try to block out the feelings that attempt to consume you. To take over.

You don't give yourself time to come to terms with what's happened. You just try to move on and put on a brave face for everyone else. Other people try and talk to you about it and how they're dealing with it, you don't want to listen. You want to forget. You feel uncomfortable being placed in such an emotive vulnerable position and you close up. You want to believe that it never happened in the first place. That you didn't lose a friend and a family member all in one week. That instead of only having to deal with one loss you had to deal with two.
You just want to move on.
But it's impossibly hard.

And now that things seem so final and so agreed, it's like the end of an era.
The end of a life, a friendship and too many memories.....