Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nly-bfguf4k - watch this to get the mood of what you are about to read.....

This is one of my favourite films of all time. It's one of my childhood classics. I had a few to say the least, as my family are well aware. Not a day went past where I wouldn't have to watch one of them repeatedly from beginning to end all day long. Once I liked something I became very attached.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0rY3dn5kos - This is THE best part from the whole film.

This film, Adventures in Babysitting, was one my most watched ones. It still holds a very strong place in my heart today. I actually watched it recently while trying to make my friend Hannah watch it too. It's such an amazing film. I actually heard word that there's supposed to be a new one being made soon - Adventures in babysitting two? And apparently Miley Cyrus is to star in it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of liking some of her songs, but I just don't see her doing the original any justice whatsoever. You can never beat the original. Ever.

Some of my other favourites included Fievel, Fievel Goes West, Willow, Labyrinth, Aladdin, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. There were many more but that's all that's coming to mind right now. These films are what shaped what kind of person I am today. They taught me all I know. They were my influence. They were my life. This could sound rather sad but I think they taught me well.



This is Fievel Mousekewitz. His adventures from Russia, to America and then consequently all around America, then onto the West, wherever the West is, kept me content for hours upon end.

Willow was, and in some ways still is, my childhood hero. Him and Mad-Mardigan, with their bravery and chivalric values had me hooked from the start. I must have watched this film at least 100 times.

David Bowie, singing while dancing with a baby, in super tight revealing clothing, with the scariest hair I'd ever seen at the age of 3 and trying to terrorise a young girl with terrifying mystical creatures while she searches desperately to find her younger brother. Sounds like a night mare for most children. It was my Bible.

I think all of the above pretty much explains why I am the way I am today.......

Love is all around us.....

Ever since Saturday, it seems, since I started reading that "Love Letters of Great Men" all I have been able to think about is love. And it seems to be everywhere, not so much that I just don't stop thinking about it but just that it appears to be popping up everywhere, reminding me of it's existence, as if I wasn't already completely aware.

Even now, I have i-tunes open, the last four songs have been: "I just haven't met you yet", "Heartache tonight", "Real dead ringer for love" and "You sexy thing". And yes I am aware that "you sexy thing" cannot be put under the category of an established love song, BUT STILL, They're everywhere!!!

If the next song that comes on is a love song I think I will physically throw this computer on the floor...............Oh no wait......."Saturday night" just came on....everything is well with the world again. :) Woo Roll on Saturday.........

*exits doing the best version of "Saturday night" dance routine ever witnessed by man.......*

Love Letters of Great Men.....

Dear Madam,

-Not believe that I love you? You cannot pretend to be so incredulous. If you do not believe my tongue, consult my eye, consult your own. You will find by yours that they have charms; by mine that I have a heart which feels them. Recall to mind what happened last night. That at least was a lover's kiss. Its eagerness, its fierceness, its warmth, expressed the god its parent. But oh! Its sweetness, and its melting softness expressed him more. With trembling in my limbs, and fevers in my soul, I ravish'd it. Convulsions, pantings, murmurings shrew'd the mighty disorder within me: the mighty disorder increased by it. For those dear lips shot through my heart, and thro' my bleeding vitals, delicious poison, and an avoidless but yet a charming ruin.

What cannot a day produce? The night before I thought myself a happy man, in want of nothing, and in fairest expectation of fortune; approved of by all men of wit, and applauded by others. Pleased, nay charmed with my friends, and then dearest friends, sensible of every delicate pleasure, and in their turns possessing all.

But Love, almighty Love, seems in a moment to have removed me to a prodigious distance from every object but you alone. In the midst of crowds I remain n solitude. Nothing but you can lay hold of my mind, and that can lay hold of nothing but you. I appear transported to some foreign desert with you (oh, that I were really thus transported!), where, abundantly supplied with everything, in thee, I might live out an age of uninterrupted ecstasy.

The scene of the world's great stage seems suddenly and sadly chang'd. Unlovely objects are all around me, excepting thee; the charms of all the world appear to be translated to thee. Thus in this sad, but oh, too pleasing state! my soul can fix upon nothing but thee; thee it contemplates, admires, adores, nay depends on, trusts on you alone.

If you and hope forsake it, despair and endless misery attend it.

-William Congreve




.....How could you possibly resist? ...... =]

“Beware so long as you live, of judging men by their outward appearance”

It never really occurred to me properly prior to yesterday how much we judge people in our lives. We judge strangers, who we have no inclination of, on their clothes, their hair, their style etc. It's ridiculous that in today's society where so many people are open to so many controversial and new, exciting ideas that they still don't find an ounce of fault in the prospect of judging people.

I have been a victim to judging people, I'll be the first to admit it. But I have seen the error of my ways.

Something happened to me yesterday which made me stop and think. I had been judging someone completely unfairly by the way in which they had been behaving. But then something happened which made me see this person in a completely different light, once they had been stripped of all the false exterior pretence and I was able to see the person inside, only then was I able to realise what a nice and unique person was present underneath.

It was one of the most eye-opening experiences for me. I was able to recognise how unjust and naive I had been. I've decided that I'm going to try my best as a person to get to know people for who they are, not to judge but to hold any doubts that I may have about them until I at least try to see what lies underneath. Because who knows.....they may be thinking the exact same thing about you.

"All the language on earth would fail in saying how much and with what disinterested passion I am ever yours-"

Entwined together, in a tangled web
composed of former lapses of sense,
a heavy heart and overcast sight
blanket any possible light.

Feelings of passion, joy and love
hidden beneath the shadow of doubt,
What if? seems to take over life,
empty questions full of promise.

Lust, fervour and affection,
every aspect of one's desire
felt through every waking second
in every single day.

I am on such a high......

I just finished an English essay and I am on such a high......I love that feeling of finishing something....of actually putting the deserved time into it and then seeing the end result. Let's just hope that the end grade is as good as I think the end result seems to be.

I've been finding English rather, I dunno, challenging this year for some reason. I think I just get frustrated at the constant flow of B's that my English teacher keeps plaguing me with. I will think that I have just written the most amazing piece of writing ever known to man and it will fall down in front of me, freshly corrected, with my old buddy, Mr B, smiling back at me.....It is my aim in this, my final year of secondary school, to get a god damn A off that woman if it's the last thing I do. For those of you who haven't met my English teacher, she is one of the most amazing women I have ever met but also one of the hardest to please. Indeed.

I am adamant to do this. It is one of my aims for the leaving cert to try and write my ass off to get that A.

I mean I've always enjoyed writing but then with all the stress I've been experiencing lately along with the lack of time that seems to be taking over my life, I just haven't been motivated to write. I think also that the constant flow of B's didn't help my motivation to write either.

I think I've been brought back to my old self again. This makes me really happy.....hopefully there will be more posts to follow this miraculous moment of inspiration! :)

I think I may be returning to my old self again.......:)

If Motivation Is Found Please Return To.....

All the motivation that I used to have seems to have escaped me recently.
All the drive that used to consume me to fulfill everything that I was required to fulfill has disappeared.
I feel so unable to even raise my head off the pillow in the morning.
I try to set myself goals and tell myself that I intend to do certain things throughout the day. None of these things are any further completed toward the end of the day.
It's both sad, and in a way depressing, to actually admit that lately I feel like such a failure in my motivational ways.
I want to do well. I want to get all of these things done. I really really do. But I have absolutely no incentive to actually get my lazy ass up out of bed and actually do it!!!
I actually have a list of all of the stuff that I have to get done, most of them with a deadline looming in sight. Getting closer by the day.
Let's face it. By even writing this blog I am procrastinating doing some work.
The fact that I don't get any of these "to-do's" actually done, creates this huge pool of guilt inside me and I feel even worse for not bothering to do anything about it.
The thought that I may, in reality, be risking my future out of pure teenage laziness is so frightening. The future that I've worked for, for so long, is all going to be thrown away, and for what? Nothing. For the fact that I just can't be bothered to get up and do some work!
I have to change.
I have to start working.
I have to get up and move.
I have to get my motivation back.
I have to live.

Is Romance Really Dead...?

So this question has been making continuous relays around my head for the past while: In today's society, is romance really dead?


It's hard to try and not ask yourself this question when most young people today are totally clueless to a little thing called romance.


Romance. A word that makes you think of holding hands, love letters, love songs, and little gestures of showing you care, like when the guy walks on the outside of the path; an expression of protection for the lady in question. Little romantic acts such as these are few and far between in today's world. Rarely seen and seldom heard.




It's becoming increasingly hard to even envision this type of sentiment in the lives of young people today when we are constantly being plagued with the colloquialisms of this century, take for example: when casually strolling down the street, you hear the faint sound of some pre-pubescent midget on a bike, that is considerably too small for even his stunted legs, shout aloud in your direction, for all to hear "Will ya meet me?". Now I'm not confining this type of situation to that one example, there are numerous variations of it, including "Will ye meet me friend/mate/him?" and of course, the bane of my existence "Do you wanna go outside and meet?".


Now seriously, what the fuck ever happened to the word kiss? "Will you kiss him?" would be a much nicer way of asking, now don't get me wrong, even if it was asked in that way, there would still be no chance in hell of me even responding to the request, but it would just make me hate the rude little fucker a little less.



Now maybe I might be over-reacting just slightly on this but I actually cannot stand the word "meet". Where the hell did it even come from?!?!? It lacks any trace of romance and it's just downright offending if you ask me. As well as that, it also puts double meaning on the actual verb "to meet", as in "Oh yeah, I met her in town yesterday". This means you have to constantly be aware of the way you put things or be continuously correcting the incorrect automatic comprehension in people's brain-washed minds by saying "I didn't mean it in that way". It's a time wasting pain in the ass and I hate it.



The worst part of it all is that recently I've been debating on whether to just accept the fact that that's life, and that this annoying repulsive colloquialism may be a part of today's society. That maybe I should just admit that despite all of my ranting over the subject, it's so ingrained into the minds of the next generation that it's here to stay. That romance is truly dead.


The hopeless romantic inside me hopes for the sake of everyone that I'm wrong.

Coming To Terms.

Life can pass you by so quick.
Time goes too quickly one minute and then not quick enough the next.
Things can change in an instant.
Your whole world turned upside down, nothing the same ever again.
One minute someone's there and then the next, they're just not.

I think it's amazing how instantaneously a complete relationship can disappear, you just stop talking to that person, because you can't. One day you're chatting away, discussing life's worries and not worrying about anything. Then something happens and it all falls apart. No matter how much you wish it was different, how much you wish that person was different, it's and they're not!

All past memories become a touchy subject, the wound's still raw and the cut still fresh. Whenever it comes up in conversation it's like salt being rubbed in deeper and deeper. You feel yourself just wanting to get on with things, forget about what has happened but you can't. You can't forget because it's constantly on your mind, that person is always popping up in your mind, random objects trigger a memory and it all comes flooding back.

In the tiny breaks in your day when you've your mind on something different, someone will tell you something, or you'll see something that reminds you of something you did with that person and you get a sudden urge to go and tell them, gossip about it and have a good laugh. But then you remember, you can't. You feel a tear come to your eye, but you choke it back and try to block out the feelings that attempt to consume you. To take over.

You don't give yourself time to come to terms with what's happened. You just try to move on and put on a brave face for everyone else. Other people try and talk to you about it and how they're dealing with it, you don't want to listen. You want to forget. You feel uncomfortable being placed in such an emotive vulnerable position and you close up. You want to believe that it never happened in the first place. That you didn't lose a friend and a family member all in one week. That instead of only having to deal with one loss you had to deal with two.
You just want to move on.
But it's impossibly hard.

And now that things seem so final and so agreed, it's like the end of an era.
The end of a life, a friendship and too many memories.....

Free Gaff!

This last weekend has been a memorable one to say the least!


When the parents are away the child will play..... So true!


I have to admit that I never thought I'd ever hear myself say those words! Mainly because one of my biggest fears, even though i hate to admit it aloud, is the thought of disappointing my parents. It sounds like such a lame thing to say, I know, but it's so very true.


So when I was presented with an opportunity to have a free house for 3 days, was it strange that I very nearly physically jumped at the chance? A free house can only but mean one thing to a teenager......Party! But it wasn't natural for one as innocent as me to even consider the thoughts of such a thing that could go so horribly wrong! But I ignored that gut feeling of dread and thought, fuck it who cares?


I like to believe that I have a nice group of friends, sensible, smart, just naturally good people. . . . There was a split second over this weekend when this thought was questioned. I was presented with the dilemma of the possibility of cocaine being in my house. You know that feeling of total shock? Where you refuse to believe what you think you're seeing? Where your heart skips like fifty beats? When you go into auto mode?........Yeah? Well after feeling all of that, it turned out to be a teaspoon of flour in a plastic bag accompanied by a topman card!


After that came the alcohol (some call it the devil, couldn't begin to think why!). Half a bottle of bucks fizz, 5 cans of bulmers and a vodka shot later, I was feeling slightly tipsy to say the least. The very least. Jade had the right idea, stick to the fanta exotic. I wish I was as wise as she. Moments of forgotten stupidity keep unveiling themselves to me at every available moment. "You ok Becca?"...."I can't see!"...........Me launching myself onto the bed, bouncing off and landing solidly on the floor.......they just keep on comin'.



Kings. Turns out it is THE best drinking game in the world! (Thank you Pamela!) The moment that will stay in my mind for years to come is hearing the words: "Four......Floor!" shouted, then realising I'm on the floor looking around at everyone else on the floor, around the kitchen table, in hysterics. Then there's Roxanne, need I say anymore?

Through all the drunkenness I managed to keep all my rules enforced: Coasters under every drink, no smoking in the house, and ashtray usage! I have to admit I'm very pleased that I managed to withhold my stature throughout it all.


Nighttime drifted into morning in a bit of a blur. People left gradually, until there was only two. Rashers, pudding rolls, bread and lots of ketchup aimed to soothe the ebbing nausea, in addition to the bottle after bottle of water, determined to conquer the dehydration.


I can however, truly say, that it was one of the best nights of my life so far. It resulted in minimal breakages (fridge magnet, cat's food dish, aloe vera plant, hula hoop, and a neighbour's fence!) and was an unforgettable experience!

They returned and didn't suspect a thing!

My new mission in life is now to persuade them to go away again, and again, and again. . . .

Music Makes The Rockin' World Go 'Round

If I had to choose one thing in my life that was important to me it would be music.



I love music but I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm musically obsessed or a music expert, not by a long shot. I don't know every band that ever existed. I don't pretend to know every Beatles song ever written. I'm useless at remembering who sang what tune and which band wrote such a song. What I do know is that I love the feeling that music gives me. The sudden urge to just get up and dance or to sing along as loud as I can, to block everything else out, is what makes music so amazing.



I admire people who are naturally musically talented. If I stumbled across a magic genie on the side of the road and he presented me with one wish, I'd wish to be able to sing, to be able to stand up in front of a group of people, open my mouth, sing and for them to just think "Wow". It's a dream that I can honestly believe will stay a dream.

I'd take my hat off to anyone who can play any type of musical instrument. I think it's one of the most admirable skills a person can have in life. I'm currently learning to play guitar. I have to admit that I love it, but have no shame in confessing that it's difficult. I think my main problem is the lack of time that I posses. I have no time to practice, and as they say, practice makes perfect, and I am nowhere close to perfect.

To be able to write songs is too a skill that I would envy. I've tried on a few occasions and never succeeded in producing anything remotely capable of having enough meaning to it make it as a song.


I think many would agree with me that music is an extremely important part of life. It acts as an output to feelings, emotions and just makes people smile.

Decisions

If there's one thing that i could truly say that I hate in the world most of all, it would have to be making decisions.



Whether it's from something as simple as choosing what to wear or something as life changing as choosing a career, i can't stand decisions.



Take for example choosing a college course. For a person such as myself who has absolutely no clue what I want to do in the next hour never mind for the rest of my life, this has to be one of the hardest decisions I'll have to face. I'm dreading it.

As for making day to day decisions that probably won't make that much of an impact on one's life, I equally dread making them. Like something as simple as choosing what film to see in the cinema or where to go for lunch....every decision counts for something and could shape any aspect of one's future.

What you decide to say or do could make all the difference to your life. I have to admit that I'm the type of person who hates regret. I hate to look back and wish that I'd done things differently or said something else or not have said anything at all.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't make decisions. I make them all the time. I'm just simply stating how much I'd prefer if they weren't there. If life were easier, if decisions didn't count for as much as they do........if things could be undone, the past re-written. I know that it's not that way though. Things aren't easy, we have to live with our mistakes and try to do our best not to make them again and learn from what went wrong.

If we thought things through more, regret could be avoided, but then I suppose life wouldn't be as interesting that way now would it?