Missing Person Report

Name: Rebecca Dunwoody
Last seen: Late August 2009
Age at Time of Disappearance: 17 years old
Gender: Female
Birthday: November
Height: 5'6'
Hair: Short and Curly
Eyes: Blue and Grey
Race: Caucasian
Last seen Wearing: A stress-filled worried expression.


I feel like I've been missing since the beginning of 6th year. I feel like I've disappeared, I haven't been myself. I'm ready to come back again and to live once more.
I'm tired of just surviving, which is what I've been doing! I want to live!
I want to be me. I don't want to feel guilty every time I'm not sat down at a desk. I want to feel free. I'm counting down the days until June 23rd when I can finally be re-united with the missing person that I haven't seen since last summer.
I'm at the stage now that I don't care what I get out of this exam. I just want it to be over. I can decide what to do afterwards. I just want to be me again. I've missed me.

The saying.....

"Life's a Bitch and then you die".....suddenly comes to mind right now.

The Five Stages of Pre-Exam Breakdowns

1. Denial

Don't worry its fine - its all good, i can deal with it, it wont be to hard, no worries.

2. Anger

Are you fucking kidding me!! this is shit - i don't know any of this how do they expect us to remember this?? "hey mate, calm down" - don't you fucking tell me to calm down - you can fuck off.

3. Bargaining

Shit i wish i didn't have to do this - its all over, I'm going to fail. I would do anything to not have to do this, just one more day to study, anything to get out of this .

4. Depression

It's fucked, I'm fucked, its all over - Leaving Cert over, I'm never going to pass, just give up now and drop out.

5. Acceptance

Yes i finally acknowledge i am fucked - but nonetheless i will do this exam anyway and hopefully get through it somehow.




At the beginning of the week I was undoubtedly in Stage 2.....Although I appear to have somehow jumped forward into Stage 5 today...... I hope it stays this way :)

The Big LC.....

Sometimes I think to myself what is the point in school any more? Why bother? Sure I know it all already. I'm so very naive and young when these thoughts breach my wisdom and come to surface in my mind.

I've learned a lot over the past week > a cliche, I'm well aware but so very true none the less. These mock exams have really awakened me to the reality that is the Leaving Cert. They've shown me how much I actually don't know. They've managed to serve their purpose in scaring the bajaysus out of me - and they're not even over yet!

I was under the impression that the big LC would be an absolute doddle, that I could pass it no problem.....I'm beginning to doubt that now. I've seen the light as they say. This is going to be a difficult few months ahead until June. I'm going to have to work my ass off to get the points I need for the Event Management Course in DIT.

I really want to do this course and I can't imagine doing anything else. The guidance councillor asked me recently about my other options on the CAO after Event Management. I looked at him with a look that said, What other options? I have to get this course.

My stress levels I think hit the maximum the other day when my very supporting and loving mother decided to inform me that the points are sure to sky-rocket this year because of the current economic downturn. The conditions in the economy at present are influencing thousands more mature students to apply via the CAO for places in Universities and colleges for this coming September. SO the good news is that I'm not only competing against the so many thousands of Leaving Cert students in the country, but now I get to compete with a load of old people too. Just fecking fantastic.

This worries me immensely especially because my course only has an availability of forty places. Forty! If I'm now up against increased competition to compete for a course that is said to be extremely competitive already then the points are surely going to shoot up. I can't imagine not getting this. It hurts to think about it.

I envy people who already applied for a PLC course and are already aware of their confirmed places in college - Yes, that is you Jade. These said people are doing the leaving cert "for the laugh" while people like me are doing it for our "life".

I've only now realised how vital this exam is to my future career and to my future happiness.....

Surrounded

Wanting for so long.
Convincing yourself of it,
Telling yourself it's real
And wishing it would grow.

Seeing it all around you,
Surrounding those you know
A constant reminder to you
And never loosening grip.

Standing alone beside it,
Watching it as it moves
Further and further away
To take flight like a bird with wings.

Will he......?

1. Respect the law.


2. Cook


3. Write


4. Sing


5. Have no coloured tattoos prior to being married with children


6. Change nappies


7. Get up in the night


8. Be a guard - or any type of man in uniform...


9. Be someone who laughs at my jokes.


10. Have a bit of a belly


11. Be healthy


12. Have big feet


13. Be intelligenter


14. Wear brand name items of clothing


15. Be clean


16. *Be someone who doesn't own a phone.


17. Be someone who loves me for me: (*Sleepwalking and bad dreams)


18. Be respected by colleagues


19. Have arms legs and a heart


20. Be someone who doesn't do an arts degree in UCD


21. Be someone who dresses well


22. Be a non-smoker


23. *Be a non-drinker


24. Be a non-druggler


25. Not be clingy whatsoever


26. Have a nice family


27. *Likes dogs


28. Be 6ft tall


29. Be someone who looks good in a dark professional suit (Party)


30. Be someone who likes the same music


31. Live local


32. Watch skins etc


33. Watch family guy etc


34. Not take up the whole bed whilst sharing


35. Be someone who doesn't make noises while sleeping


36. Not hog the TV remote


37. Stay quiet whilst out clothes shopping and tell you you look amazing babes.


38. Have a pet name for you and you for him


39. Be someone who has never seen nor been with another woman - Virgintino


40. *Be someone who didn't go to Trinity or UCD


41. Be someone who gets cold in the winter and has to wear a scarf and gloves


42. Be someone who is not ashamed to wear a scarf and gloves


43. Be someone who will accept my choice of baby names without question


44. *Be someone who will understand why there will never be a photo of us ever.


45. Be a cool dad


46. Never cheat on me


47. *Not see past my lies


48. Want to travel the world.


49. *Not like Spain or the sun in general


50. *Be someone who doesn't order weird food from the curry shop


51. *Not drink tea and or coffee.


52. Be someone who likes my hair - no matter how many colours it is at the one time


53. Play the guitar or any instrument, bar his own.


54. Be good with kids


55. Be a good assembler


56. *Be religious - but not mad religious like.


57. Not be a hoarder


58. Respect my need to hoard


59. Respect my OCD


60. Like to snuggle


61. Have the rhythm


62. Please have no artificial limbs


63. Be someone who can give a good high-five


64. Be liked by my friends


65. Be someone who minds our child while I'm at work


66. Be capable of dressing our child nicely up to my standards when I'm not around.


67. Not ever Shhhh me


68. *Not eat sandwiches, beans, mashed potato, humous or any normal edible items.


69. Be someone who can mind our child without mine or my mother's supervision


70. Be someone who can look after the garden, the grass and the plants


71. Not have a girl best friend


72. Have a good eye for decorating


73. Always let me be right


74. Not take longer than me in the bathroom or to get ready


75. Only own limited amounts of clothing.


76. Be older than me *by 1 month to 3 years


77. Have a sexy attractive accent eg french.....*Dublin north


78. Be a good cuddler


79. Be a hand-holder *only if hands are evenly matched in size


80. Have Forest Gump as their favourite film


81. Not behave like a woman


82. Read


83. Have a nickname


84. Be able to hold a sarcastic conversation


85. Be witty


86. Be punctual


87. Wear a watch


88. *Have a secret not including: Secret love child, gay, other woman or an illness


89. Be immortal


90. Love to sleep as much as me


91. *Know how to have a good time without the influence of alcohol


92. Always aspire to be as amazing as Michael Buble


93. Have long hair


94. Blonde


95. Blue Eyes


96. Be either dublinese or American


97. *Have any of the following names: Orlando, Portland, London, Paris, Skye, Sydney


98. Let me, and me solely, organise our wedding day.


99. *Have small hands


100. Be my soul mate.

*These are all of the criteria which apply only to Jade and her requirements for a future suitor.

> This list was composed and written by Becca Woody and Jade Eiffe O'Toole in a rather advanced state of delirium mixed with hysteria.

Little Box

Holding onto memories
in a little throbbing box,
unable to let go
for a fear that it wasn't what it was.

Thinking, remembering, wishing,
What if?
If things had been different,
events not unfolding as they did.

Where would we be now?
In this place surely not,
Nowhere close to what's become
and what has so clearly not.

Deciphering through codes of passion
trying to distingush between
what's real and what's myth.
The truth is sometimes harder to take

Than what your mind sees to be real.
We search all our lives for answers,
answers to everything in life.
But why do we ask?

Why do we search for this reality
that is much harsher than what
we choose to believe.
For wouldn't life be much more enjoyable

if we chose to live in what is not?

Riverside! Mother*&%$£!.....:)

The below post that I wrote yesterday somehow seems awfully irrelevant as I am now the proud new owner of a shiny new desk.............It's the most amazing thing that I've ever seen in my life (totally over-exaggerated, but hey that's me) and I absolutely love it :)



I'm sitting at it right now. It has a quirky little extra pully out thing that I wasn't aware it had until post-assembly.

Well... speaking of assembly. . . . I almost died today. My father almost killed me. We were after assembling the chair that we bought to go with the desk...it worked out fairly simple. I thought I was going to be a pro-DIY-er . . . .Boy was I wrong.

We got to work on the desk. It had about fifty pieces in total (again....over exaggerated). All pretty much identical, not specified or labelled in anyway (

So then we carried on. When we were nearly starting to see that it was a desk, like it was taking its shape. We then realised that we had assembled all of the legs wrong (I was the one to point this out also). So we sat on the ground and looked hopelessly at the various bits of white wood all around the room and this half-finished masterpiece in the middle of it all.

So then my dad turns to me and says:

"My leg's at me, I'm just gonna go in and lie down for a few minutes. You go on down and I'll give you a shout when I'm up"

So that suited me pretty fine, I was kinda tired and could do with a break. So I dander on downstairs. Turn on the TV, grab a glass of OJ. And so I'm sitting there, listening out for him to call me and then I hear something fall from my room. The bastard hadn't went for a lie down. He lied to me. He just didn't want my help anymore. My heart broke a little inside. I wasn't that hopeless......possibly more of a liability than an asset, I'll admit but still, it hurt.

I waited a few minutes and then went up to help him again. We eventually got it finished. Probably because I made myself keep my mouth shut for the rest of it......

It was a learning experience alright. I learned that I have no future in DIY and realised that I have to study for my LC and do well or I will be fucked. It's the LC or nothing for me......

There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light....

It just occurred to me that it's been a while since I've taken the time to actually blog properly. I haven't written a proper blog in so long.

Over Christmas my life was consumed with making study plans, not starting them, re-doing my bedroom, not getting that finished, wanting to start revision and never getting round to it and trying to choose college courses to put on the CAO but not coming to solid decision.... Come to think of it my life is starting to feel very incomplete right now.

I just finished filling in my CAO form two seconds ago......Is it right to regard this moment as the first one of the rest of my life?

I'm currently sat cross-legged in the middle of my newly-decorated-but-not-yet-furnished-bedroom. I have Celine Dion on the highest it will go to drown out the silence of the empty room. The room feels very big and I feel inadequately small......that's actually how I feel in life at this very moment. With all of this CAO business and choosing a future and all that jazz. I really don't like it. I'm an indecisive person and I can't believe that this time has come around so quickly. I remember thinking of it last year and thinking that it was miles away, that it was never going to come around and that I had ages to make up my mind and then BAM! Hit me straight between the eyes and it's here.

In fairness I had a little bit more of a warning than others. I seen it coming before some. I then tried to get those some motivated to choose something too (*cough* Hannah *cough*). They resented my blunt wake-up call and seen it as trying to panic them rather than the helpful I was trying to offer them. I was only doing it because I love them, and I want them to have a future.

All of this talk of futures and stuff got me thinking of how old I actually am....I can't believe it. 18 years of age, it doesn't feel like that. In some ways I feel my age and sometimes even older, but in others I feel like I should be still having girly sleepovers with Hannah, feeling rebellious watching 15 cert films and worrying about getting caught reading Bliss magazine. Those were the good days. It's not that I necessarily miss being younger, I do and I don't, it's just that I can't believe that I'm 18 already. It's strange. Odd even. Like I'm now officially regarded as an adult in society! It's crazy! I can buy drink, go out and vote!

It's also really annoying to think that legally I'm an adult but I still have to go to school and be treated as a child by teachers. Although in fairness, my teachers aren't half bad. They actually tend to be grand, if you treat them with respect they return it kinda thing. We're supposed to get our Swine Flu jabs next week and for the first time in our academic lives we can sign for it for ourselves. I know it's sad but I get a little bit of a thrill out of stuff like that.

I'm feeling very guilty right now....I'm sat here writing this blog and not where I should be which is sitting down studying! I just had a surge of motivation to write a blog, listen to some music and chill.

I'm blaming my lack of study on my lack of adequate workspace. I NEED A DESK. It's true I really do. I can't work on my bed. If i try to do anything on my bed I get too comfortable and then distracted and then somehow end up on facebook. It disastrous. I'm making a deal with myself that as soon as I get a desk I WILL start working. I promise. You can be my witness to this promise. And if I don't stand by it, give out to me.

Although saying that, who's going to be affected at the end of this? Me that's who. It's my future that's on the line. If I want to get my number one choice, which I do, I really really do, then I have to put my head down and start working for what I want, because if I don't then I won't get it. And it'll be my own fault, and I know that but hey, guess what? I'll blame it all on my lack of a desk.

I am in love with this man.......

This man is the most amazing person I've ever heard or seen in my life......... I'm gutted that he's engaged......there's my life plan out the window.....On to plan B!

It was the first of many........

We've had some pretty damn good times......

She told me to do a blog already.......so here it is :)

Best friends only come around once........

Cherish Them.....

I love you dear :)

Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nly-bfguf4k - watch this to get the mood of what you are about to read.....

This is one of my favourite films of all time. It's one of my childhood classics. I had a few to say the least, as my family are well aware. Not a day went past where I wouldn't have to watch one of them repeatedly from beginning to end all day long. Once I liked something I became very attached.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0rY3dn5kos - This is THE best part from the whole film.

This film, Adventures in Babysitting, was one my most watched ones. It still holds a very strong place in my heart today. I actually watched it recently while trying to make my friend Hannah watch it too. It's such an amazing film. I actually heard word that there's supposed to be a new one being made soon - Adventures in babysitting two? And apparently Miley Cyrus is to star in it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of liking some of her songs, but I just don't see her doing the original any justice whatsoever. You can never beat the original. Ever.

Some of my other favourites included Fievel, Fievel Goes West, Willow, Labyrinth, Aladdin, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. There were many more but that's all that's coming to mind right now. These films are what shaped what kind of person I am today. They taught me all I know. They were my influence. They were my life. This could sound rather sad but I think they taught me well.



This is Fievel Mousekewitz. His adventures from Russia, to America and then consequently all around America, then onto the West, wherever the West is, kept me content for hours upon end.

Willow was, and in some ways still is, my childhood hero. Him and Mad-Mardigan, with their bravery and chivalric values had me hooked from the start. I must have watched this film at least 100 times.

David Bowie, singing while dancing with a baby, in super tight revealing clothing, with the scariest hair I'd ever seen at the age of 3 and trying to terrorise a young girl with terrifying mystical creatures while she searches desperately to find her younger brother. Sounds like a night mare for most children. It was my Bible.

I think all of the above pretty much explains why I am the way I am today.......

Love is all around us.....

Ever since Saturday, it seems, since I started reading that "Love Letters of Great Men" all I have been able to think about is love. And it seems to be everywhere, not so much that I just don't stop thinking about it but just that it appears to be popping up everywhere, reminding me of it's existence, as if I wasn't already completely aware.

Even now, I have i-tunes open, the last four songs have been: "I just haven't met you yet", "Heartache tonight", "Real dead ringer for love" and "You sexy thing". And yes I am aware that "you sexy thing" cannot be put under the category of an established love song, BUT STILL, They're everywhere!!!

If the next song that comes on is a love song I think I will physically throw this computer on the floor...............Oh no wait......."Saturday night" just came on....everything is well with the world again. :) Woo Roll on Saturday.........

*exits doing the best version of "Saturday night" dance routine ever witnessed by man.......*

Love Letters of Great Men.....

Dear Madam,

-Not believe that I love you? You cannot pretend to be so incredulous. If you do not believe my tongue, consult my eye, consult your own. You will find by yours that they have charms; by mine that I have a heart which feels them. Recall to mind what happened last night. That at least was a lover's kiss. Its eagerness, its fierceness, its warmth, expressed the god its parent. But oh! Its sweetness, and its melting softness expressed him more. With trembling in my limbs, and fevers in my soul, I ravish'd it. Convulsions, pantings, murmurings shrew'd the mighty disorder within me: the mighty disorder increased by it. For those dear lips shot through my heart, and thro' my bleeding vitals, delicious poison, and an avoidless but yet a charming ruin.

What cannot a day produce? The night before I thought myself a happy man, in want of nothing, and in fairest expectation of fortune; approved of by all men of wit, and applauded by others. Pleased, nay charmed with my friends, and then dearest friends, sensible of every delicate pleasure, and in their turns possessing all.

But Love, almighty Love, seems in a moment to have removed me to a prodigious distance from every object but you alone. In the midst of crowds I remain n solitude. Nothing but you can lay hold of my mind, and that can lay hold of nothing but you. I appear transported to some foreign desert with you (oh, that I were really thus transported!), where, abundantly supplied with everything, in thee, I might live out an age of uninterrupted ecstasy.

The scene of the world's great stage seems suddenly and sadly chang'd. Unlovely objects are all around me, excepting thee; the charms of all the world appear to be translated to thee. Thus in this sad, but oh, too pleasing state! my soul can fix upon nothing but thee; thee it contemplates, admires, adores, nay depends on, trusts on you alone.

If you and hope forsake it, despair and endless misery attend it.

-William Congreve




.....How could you possibly resist? ...... =]

“Beware so long as you live, of judging men by their outward appearance”

It never really occurred to me properly prior to yesterday how much we judge people in our lives. We judge strangers, who we have no inclination of, on their clothes, their hair, their style etc. It's ridiculous that in today's society where so many people are open to so many controversial and new, exciting ideas that they still don't find an ounce of fault in the prospect of judging people.

I have been a victim to judging people, I'll be the first to admit it. But I have seen the error of my ways.

Something happened to me yesterday which made me stop and think. I had been judging someone completely unfairly by the way in which they had been behaving. But then something happened which made me see this person in a completely different light, once they had been stripped of all the false exterior pretence and I was able to see the person inside, only then was I able to realise what a nice and unique person was present underneath.

It was one of the most eye-opening experiences for me. I was able to recognise how unjust and naive I had been. I've decided that I'm going to try my best as a person to get to know people for who they are, not to judge but to hold any doubts that I may have about them until I at least try to see what lies underneath. Because who knows.....they may be thinking the exact same thing about you.

"All the language on earth would fail in saying how much and with what disinterested passion I am ever yours-"

Entwined together, in a tangled web
composed of former lapses of sense,
a heavy heart and overcast sight
blanket any possible light.

Feelings of passion, joy and love
hidden beneath the shadow of doubt,
What if? seems to take over life,
empty questions full of promise.

Lust, fervour and affection,
every aspect of one's desire
felt through every waking second
in every single day.

I am on such a high......

I just finished an English essay and I am on such a high......I love that feeling of finishing something....of actually putting the deserved time into it and then seeing the end result. Let's just hope that the end grade is as good as I think the end result seems to be.

I've been finding English rather, I dunno, challenging this year for some reason. I think I just get frustrated at the constant flow of B's that my English teacher keeps plaguing me with. I will think that I have just written the most amazing piece of writing ever known to man and it will fall down in front of me, freshly corrected, with my old buddy, Mr B, smiling back at me.....It is my aim in this, my final year of secondary school, to get a god damn A off that woman if it's the last thing I do. For those of you who haven't met my English teacher, she is one of the most amazing women I have ever met but also one of the hardest to please. Indeed.

I am adamant to do this. It is one of my aims for the leaving cert to try and write my ass off to get that A.

I mean I've always enjoyed writing but then with all the stress I've been experiencing lately along with the lack of time that seems to be taking over my life, I just haven't been motivated to write. I think also that the constant flow of B's didn't help my motivation to write either.

I think I've been brought back to my old self again. This makes me really happy.....hopefully there will be more posts to follow this miraculous moment of inspiration! :)

I think I may be returning to my old self again.......:)